Student 1: Sometimes, when I see a toddler, I just want to punch them in the head.
Student 2: In the NECK!?
Student 1: No, stupid, in the head.
Student 2: Oh okay, that makes more sense.
Student 1: I just want to be like "WALK NORMAL, IDIOT"
Student 2: What about your niece?
Student 1: ...she's an exception.
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Student 1: What? You're 26?! I really thought you were in your 40's.
Student 2: Whoa man. You don't say that to a woman. If you were trying to date her, she'd have slapped you by now and moved on.
Student 1: "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy! So here's my number, so call me maybe!"
Student 2: "Hey I just met you, and this is crazy! So here's my facebook, 'cause my dumb mom won't let me have a cell phone..."
Write three binomials, each with a degree of 7.
Student: What is a "binomial"?
Me: A polynomial with two terms.
Student: Ohhhhhhhh I thought it was a made up word you put in the problem to trick us, because this is one of those impossible problems you can't solve.
Student #2: You idiot, it's just 3^7, duh.
Student: Wait, what's a "term"?
*sigh* Test tomorrow, not sure they're ready.
2 girls come into my room at lunch...
Student: Can we eat lunch with you, Mrs. S?
Me: Sure...why don't you want to be in the cafeteria?
Student: We just can't handle it right now.
Me: Too loud?
Student: Eh, I don't really like certain people right now.
Me: Well you don't have to sit next to those people, you know.
Student: Well then I'd have no where to sit!
Me: You hate everyone in the entire 8th grade?
Student: I'm not really a people person.
Me: What do you mean?
Student: I don't like people.
Me: *turns to the other girl* Sorry, guess [student] hates you.
Student: Well, like...even my friends, who I love, I hate deep down inside. Because they're people. I'm just not a people person.
Male Student: My butt hurts.
Me: ....
Student: Can I go get an ice pack? Do they make ice packs you can sit on?
Me: Uh...yeah, for women after they give birth.
Student #2: What if you gave birth to a narwhal? That horn would like, mutilate you on the way out.
Me: OKAY, LET'S GET BACK TO FACTORING--
Student #3: It would be like a natural c-section! It'd slice you open on the way out!
Me: POLYNOMIAL EXPRESSIONS. NO MORE BIRTHING TALK.
*later*
Student: Mrs. S--have you ever experienced when you're cutting paper with scissors, and it just slides all of a sudden and you aren't really cutting anymore?
Me: Yeah, that happens with wrapping paper all the time.
Student: THAT'S WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU GAVE BIRTH TO A NARWHAL!
Me: Please step outside...
A boy and a girl were in a tousle in the back of the room. The boy sticks a piece of trash down the back of her sweatshirt.
Girl: AHHHHHHHHHHH. He stuck something in me!!!!!!!
The whole class immediately burst out laughing, so there was no way to even pretend she didn't say it. The boy walked back to his desk, high fiving all the other boys on his way back. *sigh*
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