Tales from a Middle School Jungle

Instructions:  Write a word problem where the answer is "y=4x+2"

Timmy, a teen who works for a company, makes 4 dollars an hour.  If he stays on task, he gets a 2 dollar bonus.  Write the equation for this problem to calculate how much money he makes.

Middle Eastern student: Hey, what does "nole" mean in Spanish?
Hispanic student: Nole?  I think that's an English word.
Middle Eastern student: Hey Mrs. S, what does "nole" mean?
Me: What?  Use it in a sentence.
Middle Eastern Student: You know, N-O-E-L.
Me: Oh!  No-ELL!
Students together: Huh?!

Me: So the equation is y = 5x + 150, and the total cost to clean the house is $175.  Questions, comments, concerns?
Student: You know those robot vacuums?
Me: This sounds like a story for after class.
Student: We had one--
Me: Please stop.
Student: --and my dog pooped--
Me: Oh dear...
Student: and the robot vacuum dragged it all over my whole house.  Do you think they'd clean my house for $175 then?

Student: Do you know what I want for when I turn 21?
Me: What?
Student: A heineken.
Me: Why a heineken?
Student: Because I'll be 21, duh!

Student #1 is in my remediation class, but has someone else for regular algebra.  He was struggling in his science class, so they switched his whole schedule around to move him to team-taught science, and it forced him to switch to a different algebra teacher.  Same (regular) algebra, just a different period with a different teacher.

Student #1: Mrs. S, can you get my schedule switched back?  I don't like my new math teacher.
Student #2: What?!  You used to be in honors?
Student #1: Yeah, I used to be brilliant, isn't that right Mrs. S?
Student #2: Oh, but then Mrs. S called your mom and told her you were actually stupid, huh?
Student #1: Yeah, basically.  So then I went to [student #2]'s house and we went down to Hollister and got jobs as models.
Me: Oh really?
Student #2: Yeah, and we make 2 cents per hour.
Me: Ahh, you're really top quality models then.
Student #2: And after 20 hours, I can finally go to McDonalds and get something off the dollar menu.
Me: Not quite.
Student #1: But then they said, if you get sexier, we will give you a raise.  So I started doing this (flexing his arms) and they said, "WHOA, you are worth 50 cents per hour!"
Student #2: And also, they said, "Stop that, you are too sexy to work here now."
Me: Please finish your assignment...

Student: These taste like cookies from my country.
Me: Oh yeah?  What country is that?
Student: America.

Student #1: When I was little, my sister and I were fishing and she threw the line and the hook got caught on my nose.
Mr. B (team teacher): I don't believe you.  What happened to your nose?
Student #1: I...I don't know.
Mr. B: Well did it get ripped off?  Is that a fake nose?
Student #1: No...
Mr. B: Did you have to go to the hospital?
Student #1: I...I think so?
Mr. B: Did your sister get in trouble?
Student #1: I DON'T KNOW, I WAS LITTLE, OKAY?!
Student #2: Whoa, you're like a detective!  Do you have kids, Mr. B?
Mr. B: I don't answer questions about my personal life.
Student: That means no.
Mr. B: ....
Student #2: Well, when you have kids, you can tell them that you were a super cowboy detective teacher.  And also that you taught a crazy girl.  That would be me.

The "bad" kids get "Friday"...which is a 3 hour detention after school on Fridays, where you aren't allowed to talk to anyone.  You face a wall and do work for 3 hours, under the supervision of my team teacher.  This whole conversation took place while he was standing approximately 6 feet away.
 
Student: Mrs. S, who's in charge of Friday?
Me: Mr. B.
Student: Really?!?!  'cause uh, I might have it next week.
Me: You might?
Student: Yeah, well...I don't know if I'm on the list or not.
Me: What did you do?
Student: I don't want to tell you.
Me: What did you do?
Student: My guilt is already punishment enough, Mrs. S.
Me: What did you do?
Student: I said a bad word in the hallway.
Me: To a teacher, or a student?
Student: A teacher.  But the teacher doesn't know my name.
Me: What teacher?
Student: I don't know.
Me: Was it a man or a woman?
Student: I think it was a man.  But it might have been a woman.
Me: On this side of the building, or the other?
Student: Over by [other teacher's] room.
Me: Ahh...during passing period?
Student: Coming back from lunch.
Me: Got that, Mr. B?
Mr. B: Welcome to Friday, [student]!