Tales from a Middle School Jungle

Student: Day-um!  Mrs. S is cookin' in this class!
Me: What?  What is cooking?
Student: Every day you're BURNING someone with your witty comments.

Student #1: Mrs. S, is this a good idea?  Hypothetically, if a guy was to ask you out and take you to the dollar store and then tell you that you could pick out one item, but tax is on you?
Me: Depends what your goal is.  If the goal is a second date, no, that's a bad idea.
Student #2: What if the goal is more?
Me: What do you mean?
Student #2: You know, like going further than a 2nd date?
Me: Okay, end of conversation.
Student #1: NO, like a 3rd date!
Me: Finish you graphing, boys.
Student #2: I'm going to take her somewhere special.  McDonalds!
Me: Who's your date with?
Student #2: Nah, there's no date.  I can't be tied down to one woman right now.

Student: (something about power rangers)
Me: Did you know power rangers are like, 20 years old?  I used to watch them when I was 7.
Student: When was that? The 1930's?

We've been watching Slope Dude again this year.  At the end, the skiier falls off the cliff and shouts "the worst curse word in all of algebra--UNDEFINED!"

Me: And when we get to the vertical part, what did slope dude say?
Student: The worst curse word ever--MITT ROMNEY!

Nerdy little 4' tall student: I'm don't really want to get all tatted up, I mean, nothing ridiculous or anything.  I'm just going to get a sleeve on both arms.
Me: I hope your future job is either really laid back with their dress code, or you don't mind wearing long sleeves every day.
Student: Oh yeah, no problem.  NFL.
Me: Ahhh...and what's your back up plan if that doesn't pan out?
Student: NBA.