Tales from a Middle School Jungle

"My parents were going to name me Elizabeth, but then I came out and my dad said, "She has China eyes!" so they named me Chyna instead."

Student: Mrs. S, I have a question about locker clean out.
Me: Yes?
Student: What if you have a...lamp...in your locker?
Me: It needs to go home with you.
Student: But what if it's a rather large lamp.
Me: Well, you can store it in my room if you need to during the clean out, and you can take it home at the end of the day.
Student: But I'm not sure I want to take it on the bus.
Me: You can donate it to my classroom, then.
Student: Why would you want a broken lamp in your classroom?
Me: [Student], why do you have a lamp in your locker?
Student: Well, remember how on international night, they had a free thrift shop? [a free yard sale for the needy families]  I picked it up then.
Me: If it's broken, you need to throw it away.
Student: Oh no, I couldn't do that.  It just needs a new light bulb, then it will be good as new!
Me: I don't know what to tell you then.
Student: So what should I do if I have a lamp in my locker?
Me: Okay guys, get out your notebooks.

Student 1: Ugh, you guys took like, 30 minutes!
Student 2: So? Ms. S always takes 90!

Student: Ugh, you're a mean teacher.  Why you gotta be so mean?
Student teacher: Why am I being mean?  Because I have a job to do!  I have to follow the policy of No Child Left Behind!"

Student: Can I go get water?
Student Teacher: You have 30 seconds.  After that, you owe me lunch detention.  Ready, GO.  Oh wait, Mrs. S, is it okay if she goes to get water?

Student teacher: Why haven't you started this yet?
Student: Uhhh.
Student teacher: DETENTION!  FRIDAY DETENTION FOREVER!