Student 1: "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy! So here's my number, so call me maybe!"
Student 2: "Hey I just met you, and this is crazy! So here's my facebook, 'cause my dumb mom won't let me have a cell phone..."
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Write three binomials, each with a degree of 7.
Student: What is a "binomial"?
Me: A polynomial with two terms.
Student: Ohhhhhhhh I thought it was a made up word you put in the problem to trick us, because this is one of those impossible problems you can't solve.
Student #2: You idiot, it's just 3^7, duh.
Student: Wait, what's a "term"?
*sigh* Test tomorrow, not sure they're ready.
2 girls come into my room at lunch...
Student: Can we eat lunch with you, Mrs. S?
Me: Sure...why don't you want to be in the cafeteria?
Student: We just can't handle it right now.
Me: Too loud?
Student: Eh, I don't really like certain people right now.
Me: Well you don't have to sit next to those people, you know.
Student: Well then I'd have no where to sit!
Me: You hate everyone in the entire 8th grade?
Student: I'm not really a people person.
Me: What do you mean?
Student: I don't like people.
Me: *turns to the other girl* Sorry, guess [student] hates you.
Student: Well, like...even my friends, who I love, I hate deep down inside. Because they're people. I'm just not a people person.
Male Student: My butt hurts.
Me: ....
Student: Can I go get an ice pack? Do they make ice packs you can sit on?
Me: Uh...yeah, for women after they give birth.
Student #2: What if you gave birth to a narwhal? That horn would like, mutilate you on the way out.
Me: OKAY, LET'S GET BACK TO FACTORING--
Student #3: It would be like a natural c-section! It'd slice you open on the way out!
Me: POLYNOMIAL EXPRESSIONS. NO MORE BIRTHING TALK.
*later*
Student: Mrs. S--have you ever experienced when you're cutting paper with scissors, and it just slides all of a sudden and you aren't really cutting anymore?
Me: Yeah, that happens with wrapping paper all the time.
Student: THAT'S WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU GAVE BIRTH TO A NARWHAL!
Me: Please step outside...
A boy and a girl were in a tousle in the back of the room. The boy sticks a piece of trash down the back of her sweatshirt.
Girl: AHHHHHHHHHHH. He stuck something in me!!!!!!!
The whole class immediately burst out laughing, so there was no way to even pretend she didn't say it. The boy walked back to his desk, high fiving all the other boys on his way back. *sigh*
Student: Wait, it costs $20,000 to adopt a kid?!
Me: Yeah, it's pretty expensive if you have to travel to a foreign country.
Student: Why do you have to go there?
Me: Well, you need to meet the child, fill out legal paperwork, etc.
Student: Can't you just mail the baby? You know, in a super padded box or something? Then it would be much cheaper.
Me: Uhhh....that doesn't sound safe.
Student #2: Just mark it "FRAGILE" on the side so it doesn't end up upside down, and send it express!
Student 1: So you're like...30?
Student 2: No, like 25.
Me: I'm 26.
Student 3: WHAT? You told us your age?! I thought that was inappropriate!
Student 1: Whoa, and you're married! That's young!
Me: I've been married almost 4 years.
Student 2: Time for babies!
Me: No.
Student 1: No, Ms. S doesn't want to have a baby. *pause* You could adopt one, Mrs. S!
Student 2: Yeah! Get a little African baby so it looks like me, and name it [student's name].
Student 3: Uh, hullo. She should totally adopt a German baby, duh.
Me: That's a nice thought. It's awfully expensive to adopt a baby though.
Student 1: Really? How much?
Me: Like $20-30,000.
Student 2: WE'LL FUNDRAISE FOR YOU!!!
Student 3: YEAH! We'll have a car wash--
Student 1: And a bake sale!
Student 2: And a twitter--@GetMrsSababy
Student 3: This is SO going to work.
Student: I'm doing my homework, aren't you proud of me?
Me: That's awesome, good for you. Can I see your quiz?
Student: Oh, I'm not doing that. If I do my quiz, I won't have time to do my homework in class.
I have this poster in my room. It has been there all year. The kids finally noticed it today, seemingly for the first time.
Student 1: Your poster is wrong, Mrs. S. You should replace "cool" with "successful". That would be more accurate.
Student 2: Or you could just erase the word "Math". Then it would be really accurate.
"Next year, you should totally give the 8th graders homework over spring break."
"I did give you homework over spring break. You didn't do it."
"Oh. Yeah, I guess that's true".
Apparently the novelty of my whiteness does not wear off
"You're so pale Ms. S! You could be like, Edward's girlfriend. WAIT. Stand in the sunlight. I want to see if you sparkle!"
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