Tales from a Middle School Jungle

I had sent a student outside for back talking and disrupting class. He spends time outside a lot.

Me: Do you understand that when you do that, it really hurts my feelings?
Student: It does? What? Oh, I'm sorry Ms. S, I didn't know that. *Thinks* I didn't know teachers had feeling.

Student: What does "Personal Choice" mean?
Me: It means you can donate as much or as little money as you want to charity--there's no set percent.
Student: I'm going to donate $1.
Me: Uh...your net 'salary' is $5800/month, and you're only donating $1/month to charity?
Student: What? That's like, $12 per year. If I do it for 80 years, that's...$960! That's a lot of money! They'll start calling me "Oprah Man"!

We were doing riddles today. "26 L in the A" becomes "26 Letters in the Alphabet", "7 W of the W" is "7 Wonders of the World". All was going mighty fine, until...

"8 T on an O"

"EIGHT TESTICLES ON AN OCTOPUS!!!!"

Sometimes their vocabulary slip ups are quite unfortunate.

Student: Do I have to buy "Internet" and "Cable"?
Me: No, choose 1 or both.
Student: I'll choose internet. All the good stuff's online. *wink*

Student: I'm done.
Me: No you aren't. You only purchased a car and paid rent. You didn't buy cable or internet, new clothes, a cell phone, or groceries.
Student: I don't need to pay for groceries.
Me: You're going to eat your car?
Student: No, I'm going to drive to the food bank. See, I didn't fill in "pay check" either.
Me: You're going to drive to the food bank in your Lexus?
Student: Eh, I'll park it around the corner and walk the last block.

Student: When are you going on the field trip, Ms. S?
Me: Thursday.
Student: Oh boy! We're going to show you a good time!...WAIT. NOT LIKE THAT.

Student: *unintelligible gibberish*
Me: I'm sorry, can you repeat that? That made no sense.
Student: Oh. Never mind. I was trying to say something dumb but sound really smart.