Tales from a Middle School Jungle

Me: Guys, I have tried everything with you to get you to stop talking. I've given you a grade, bribed you with candy, offered to play bingo...and still you won't stop talking. I give up! I have no more ideas!
Student: I have an idea.
Me: What is it?
Student: Duct tape.
Student #2: Oh yeah, my soccer coach uses that.

We have casual Fridays. Yesterday I wore my North Face fleece. I have never had so many kids talk to me. Kids who haven't said 2 words ALL YEAR commented on my jacket.

"Nice North Face"
"Whoa, you have a North Face?"
"Mrs. S is "swag", look at her north face!"
"I like your North Face"
"How much did your North Face cost?"
"If I do my homework, can I have your north face?"
"Can I wear your North Face?" "No." "Pleeeeeeeeeeease? I promise I won't be bad today."

If only I were rich enough to bribe them all with jackets, apparently.

Student from my regular level math class is struggling to solve literal equations.
Me: Okay, if we're solving 2AB = C for A, what does that mean?
Student: Get A all by itself.
Me: Yep, so how are you going to do that?
Student: Subtract 2.
Me: We need to do the opposite of whatever is going on.
Student: Yeah, so minus the 2!
Me: But when variables and constants are smooshed together, what operation is that?
Student: Times.
Me: Okay, so if we're multiplying, how do we undo it?
Student: Divide.
Me: Good, so what are we going to do first?
Student: Minus 2.
(continues for a while until we finally reach a consensus)
Student: I really think I need to be in honors. It sounds a lot easier than this.

I held a remediation session after school today. We played "review basketball". Unfortunately, I kind of ran out of steam with 15 minutes still left in our 90 minute review (and the kids did too). They found the white board pens.


"Mrs. Schutz's day before 5th & 7th period" (happy flowers)
"Mrs. Schutz's day after 5th & 7th period" (dead flowers)
(written by one of my 7th period students)

I'm not sure who wrote this one, but I'm guessing it's another 5th or 7th period student...

A good reminder that I need to try harder to be patient and make the best of the situation at hand--apparently my frustration is showing too much.

Student: Ms. S, you forgot to do blah blah blah in that powerpoint
Me: Oh crud, you're right. Guess that's what happens when you make them at midnight.
Student: You made this at midnight?
Me: Yeah.
Student: GUYS! Ms. S was up late last night, I vote we cancel class so she can take a nap. Who's with me?

I am at a total loss of what to do with my 5th period class. It's a disaster--I have to yell at them daily to get them to keep their mouths shut longer than 10 seconds--and that's not an exaggeration. In an act of desperation, I bought one of these and one of these from the dollar aisle at Target on Friday. Actually, they came from the two-dollar and fifty cent aisle, but that's neither here nor there.

Today, I couldn't have planned it better. A boy walked into class wearing this:



I pulled out my turkey hats. His eyes lit up.

Student: Ms. S, we can wear hats in here!?
Me: Sorry dude, it's against school rules. Put the polar bear away. (Girls are crawling all over him trying to take it from him)
Student: But Ms. S!!!!
Me: Here's the deal guys. The best behaved student tomorrow gets their pick of turkey hats.
*Excited chaos ensues*

We'll see how it goes. On my way out the door, one of my most astute students commented to me:

"Nice bribe, Ms. S"

Why, thank you.

Student was late to homeroom. He sauntered in, very confidently.

Me: You're late.
Student: Nuh-uh, I have a pass! Look! *hands me his agenda*
Me: What are these initials?
Student: I dunno.
Me: Well who signed your pass?
Student: I dunno.
Me: *reads a little closer* It says "DM". Who's "DM"?
Student: Me.
Me: You signed your own pass?
Student: Yeah, 'cause I knew I was going to be late.

Nice try.