Me: Okay guys, tonight is back-to-school night.  Please remind your parents or guardians to attend!
Student: Do we have to come?
Me: No, only your parents.  You're not supposed to come.  If you're there, how can I talk about you?
Student: YOU TALK ABOUT US?!
Me: Sure--I tell your parents the kind of things we do in class, how you're doing, etc.
Student: OMG--HERE! *Pulls out $5* Please please please say nice things about me!