Tales from a Middle School Jungle

Student: Wow Ms. S, you're really good at rolling your eyes. You've got the timing down just right.

Kid: Oh, this is the weird version of "The Grinch", where Susie is a mermaid.

It's a multiple choice test. 1 point per answer.

Student #1: Look what I got--19 out of 20.
Me: Rock star! *high 5*
Student #2: Hey, where's my high 5?
Me: You're not done yet. Beat him.
Student: I will. I'll get NINETEEN AND A HALF.

Yeah, okay. You do that.

The health classes are studying dating right now. All the kids had a paper on it where they had to answer questions about what they thought appropriate dating looked like. I managed to read a couple over their shoulders.

"What type of qualities should a prospective boyfriend or girlfriend have?"
-About my age
-My parents don't want to kill him
-Not gay

"What are some appropriate types of dates to go on?"
-Picnic
-Movies
-Restaurant

"What are some inappropriate types of dates to go on?
-McDonalds
-My house
-Crash someone else's date

Student: Guess where I'm going for break?
Me: Hawaii.
Student: No! To your house!

Me: Okay, what's your goal?
Student: Are we solving for sex? Ohmygodican'tbelieveijustsaidthat.
Me: *pretending to not hear* No, we're isolating "y".
Student: Sorry Mrs. S, I just came from health class.

Student: Ewww, I don't order chicken sandwiches anymore. Last time I did, there was a thermostat in mine.
Student #2: Uhh...thermostat is that thing on the wall.
Student #1: Oh--well, whatever the word for "temperature taking thing that gets stuck in food" is.