Tales from a Middle School Jungle

Trying to solve a riddle involving a tight rope walker...

Me: This person had a profession that required her to walk in a very straight line.
Student 1: SHE WAS ALBINO!
Student 2: SHE WAS PROFESSIONAL OCD!
Student 3: SHE WAS A 'LADY OF THE NIGHT'!

????

Student: OMG, did you see that Ms. [other teacher] got proposed to with a diamond?
Me: My ring is a diamond.  That's pretty standard for engagement rings.
Student #2: But aren't diamonds super expensive?
Me: Yeah, they aren't cheap.
Student #2: And doesn't love fade like right after you get married anyway?  So what's the point?

"You have been an awesome bobowsomme teacher.  When I become a millionare I will give you 1 million bonus bucks to cover for your low paying salary."

"I think your a great teacher and that you will be teaching for a long time unless you get in an accident or move to a mental hospital.  Sooooo...yeah"

"Well hello we've had an amazing school year together.  Turns out you are pretty easy going but I guess 5th period changes that.  I hope we can be facebook friends and stuff even though facebook is dead.  Sorry our 5th period left you nothing but horrible memories.  And I like how you wear lots and lots of dresses.  With pretty bows"

"I hate reading and I will never like it but it was fun sitting in your class pretending."

Aww...I'm gonna miss these hooligans.

"I have a box of poptarts with your name on it if you can do some magic and work my grade into at least a B".

Student: OHMYGOD WE HAVE A FINAL TODAY?
Me: Yes.
Student: TODAY!?!?
Me: Yes.
Student: BUT WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US WE HAD TO TAKE A FINAL?
Me:  I told you on the first day of school you had a final.  I told you when I handed out the midterm that it would be averaged with the final.  I told you each week of the last quarter that we were preparing for the [end of year state assessment] and the final.  The date has been on the board for the last 2 weeks.
Student: BUT WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I HAD TO TAKE IT TOO?!

"I want to say that my parents enjoyed receiving emails from you.  And I will be seeing you next year because as you may know I have BOMBED that [end of year state exam]"

"I hate you <3"

"This is one for that little book of quotes you have in your bedroom and yes I've been to your house remember that Christmas dinner."

"I'll mention you once I become a perfesional [sic] chainsaw juggler."